Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
