He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
