Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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