U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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