She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
