I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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