I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
