If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
