my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
