I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
