Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
