I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
