i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
