well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
