I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
