Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
