Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When did angry sex become our thing?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
