I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
