If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize