we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
