Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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