I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
