Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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