just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
