My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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