Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
