look no pants
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm really busy with my period
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