There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
