Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize