you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
