Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
