I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
