Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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