Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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