I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
