The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
