You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
