do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
