What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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