The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
