What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
