All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
