Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cannot find my penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
