My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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