saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you made out with another girl for some wings
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
