that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
