i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
