he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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