That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
