i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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