guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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