I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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