im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
