she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
