if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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