and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
