what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
