I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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