Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
