Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
