There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
