Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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