saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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