Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
