1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
