I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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